If You Ever Wanted to be a Spaceman...

I have recently been contacted by NASA to provide spaceman training. In the era of budget cutbacks and cell phone surveillance the U.S. government has found out that I can easily provide that training by adapting items I have at hand. I will also throw in the standard spaceman haircut for free.

Using equipment I already own negates the need for large contractors designing and engineering complicated machinery when I can easily train space program candidates in sudden accelerations, centrifugal forces, hands free space walks, weightless buoyancy and of course sudden stops.  

I can even provide the necessary intergalactic laxative required before entering any sort of rocket ship. 

I will also offer these services to private sector firms entering the space race not as a small step for mankind but as a big steep to large monetary gains. Money, compliments, publicity, you know how to reach me.