Things That Go Bump in the Night...

I started using one of those cpap machines. I think I've mentioned before that I snore loudly and according to my brother I did so as a child and I don't mean to infer that I've slept with everyone in town but a lot of people know about the snoring. A few months ago on a doc visit he put two and two together and asked me if I snored. When I said yes he asked if I would do a sleep study. He's a nice guy, he askes if you will do things as opposed to when I was practicing as a physical therapist assistant and I would tell patients that if they did not do what I said they were going to die. Smart patients already knew on arrival that to get through the situation they were going to have to do hard things and people that either were not so smart or had a resistance to doing hard things died in piles. I told my doc I would do a sleep study.  

Sure enough the sleep study showed I had what they termed mild apnea. I mean I know people who play gigs with guitars mildly out of tune without ever addressing the issue but they went ahead and ordered my machine. Apparently anyone who takes a sleep study has mild apnea because those machines are in short supply and it takes a bit to get one. 

The deal is that if you use the machine three months for at least 4 hours a night my insurance, Medicare, pays the rent and then I own the machine. They know if I'm using it because I scan it with my phone ever so often. I have driven the machine across the country, flown it on an airplane, slept in the camper under the east Texas pines and used it while cooled by gentle ocean breezes to fulfill my obligation.      

When I check in person with the rental company or my doctor with an occasional issue they check the reports from the phone and say "oh, you are doing so good." Then they write a note in my chart that says "PATIENT TOLERATED TREATMENT WELL CONTIUE TO FOLLOW MD ORDERS AS MEDICALLY INDICATED" and Medicare says , "well good, here's the money." I'm not complaining about this because I did the same thing, got that money and retired early and comfortably. 

I am complaining that I have not consistently slept well for several months now. I look at the clock and do some quick tuba player math on when four hours is up and then if I awaken and I've done my time the mask comes off.  Usually it's by then what Chuck Berry called the "Wee Wee Hours" which for me is between 2 and 6 am. I often have trouble going back to sleep so I get on up. Cathy, who has her own sleep problem of not being able to go to sleep says that the machine does keep me from snoring. A gag probably would also and might actually be more comfortable and a possibly a little bit sexy.     

Finally to get around to what this is really about is while I am up during those wee wee hours I hear things bumping around on the hot tub deck right outside my bedroom door. I have heard it before usually in the cool months of the year it seems. It's a sound like running, jumping, or scampering. I went out with a flashlight as I have before and I didn't catch anything in the act. Last night after a check I came back in and the noise started again after 5 minutes. I slipped out quietly, stood in the dark waiting and eventually flicked on the light but still no sighting of the perp. 

So what is it? Possum? there have been some sightings lately. Coon? Occasionally I see one out here. Rats? There is evidence that the cat is controlling this population. Cats? He does have friends. Aliens? I'm not saying it's aliens but it could be. 

So I don't know what goes bump in the night out on my deck. If I stay awake enough maybe I'll see it. The doc did ask if I thought the machine was helping me, making a difference. I am not sure at this time. I guess helping could be helping to catch a critter of some kind.

There is a show business story about the great singer song writer Roger Miller. When a band member was asked how long Roger had been awake he replied "I don't know, I've only been in the band a year."  

When I retired I thought about how life would be if I just slept when tired and got up when awake. Since I babysit grand kids who take an afternoon nap I usually join them so I guess I am kind of doing that.